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FindingStone
Counseling Center
5150 North 16th Street
- Suite A-116
Phoenix, Arizona 85016
602-234-0541
 Cherishing
Behaviors For Couples: Some Suggestions
When you
are reading this, you will recall some of the pleasing and delightful behaviors
that drew you to each other during courtship, or which were practiced during
some happy times or even in crisis times. Select from this list, or one of your
own, two or three cherishing behaviors you might be willing to practice.
- Call me during the day and tell me
something pleasant.
- Ask me how I spent my day and for a few
minutes give me your undivided attention.
- Fix the coffee in the morning so we can
have a few minutes to talk before starting the day.
- Enjoy touching me.
- Sometimes turn off the lights and light a
candle when we are having dinner.
- Find something humorous in your day to
share with me.
- When you are out walking bring back a
flower or a leaf or funny rock.
- For no special reason, hug me and say you
like me.
- Offer to wash my back when I'm in the
shower or tub.
- Tell the children (in front of me) what a
good parent I am.
- Cuddle
with me at night before we go to sleep.
- Ask my opinion about some TV program or
world news event.
- Slip a surprise note in my lunch bag or
under my pillow occasionally.
- Occasionally call me sweetheart or honey or
dear or some word special to us.
- Hold my hand when we walk down the street.
- When we sit together put your arm around me
or touch me.
- Look at me and smile. Remember a funny
story you heard just for me.
-
Get
me the morning paper and let me read the main section first.
- Put on one of my favorite records or CD's
and play it without asking.
- Bring me a flower sometimes for no reason
at all.
- Surprise me with something that tells me
you enjoy being with me and seeing me happy.
- When you see me coming home, come to meet
me.
- Give up some personal habit that you know
bothers me (like smoking, swearing, etc).
No one can expect a relationship
to maintain the same level of emotional, sexual, and romantic intensity that was
present during courtship. But we can grow in love and consideration. A
successful, happy marriage is made up of many small things.
Find
a Therapist
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Is Your
Marriage In Trouble? Some of the most interesting work on relationships
has been conducted by Dr. John Gottman at the University of Washington.
Dr. Gottman’s lab has watched thousands of hours of videotaped marital
interactions. They have learned how to predict divorce with an
astonishing degree of accuracy--and Dr.
Gottman says they can do it on the basis of 2 minutes of "How Was
Your Day" talk as well as after having watched 45 minutes of
problem-solving. What’s the secret? You might think it’s different
interests, religion, sexual problems. Nope. Dr. Gottman has
identified the "4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse" of Marriage:
Now, these are not always
blatant. Sometimes contempt is expressed through a rolling of the
eyes; withdrawal through a stonewalling in the other’s presence. If
your communication is characterized by these tendencies, your
relationship may be in significant trouble. Find
a Therapist
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